Ever sneak off for that midnight burger or finally light up a cigarette with your partner and feel closer? Well, you are not alone. According to new research out of the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, couples that together indulge in unhealthy habits- binge-watching hours of TV, sharing junk food, smoking- may be way closer than those who stick to a clean and healthy lifestyle.
This finding has opened up a lot of debate on the role that good or bad shared habits play in building emotional bonds in relationships.
The study’s results were interesting, though. Couples said they felt closer to one another on days when their self-indulgent or unhealthy behaviors matched. For instance, smokers said they didn’t feel as satisfied with their relationship unless they smoked together. A couple that had spent the day being sedentary reported feeling closer to one another.
Researchers explain that it’s because of “habit synchronicity.” Put, when a couple does the same habits, workouts, or orders pizza after a long day-they create this sense of unity and understanding. Of course, those moments often result in togetherness when the habits aren’t healthy.
Social reward is the root of this phenomenon. When couples are involved, they share a private and enjoyable experience, which can make the relationship feel more intimate.
“Think of it as a ‘we’re in this together’ mentality,” says Dr. Jenna Harris, a behavioral psychologist who reviewed the study.
“Even if it’s something as simple as splitting a chocolate cake or staying up too late watching TV, those shared experiences foster connection. It’s not just about the activity itself, but the bonding it creates.”
However, this raises an interesting question: Are these short-term moments of satisfaction worth the potential long-term consequences?
While these indulgences might strengthen an emotional bond superficially, they could cause deeper problems. Couples in consistently ill behaviors together find themselves caught over time in a difficult cycle to break.
For instance, if one partner starts smoking or overeating, the other may feel compelled to join in to maintain that sense of connection. It can lead to what many experts call “habit convergence,” where partners reinforce each other’s bad habits.
“There’s a fine line between bonding over shared indulgence and enabling each other,” explains Dr. Harris. “What starts as a fun, occasional treat can snowball into a lifestyle that undermines both partners’ health.”
Most interestingly, it indicates that couples who pursue healthier lifestyles may not enjoy the highs as much as those who share poor habits. While cooking a healthy meal or jogging together may benefit physical health, it does not always provide the same immediate pleasure as sharing a pizza or enjoying a vice together.
That doesn’t mean healthy habits can’t bring couples closer together. In fact, studies have shown that shared goals, such as quitting smoking or training for a marathon, can strengthen a relationship over time. But these benefits often require patience and a long-term mindset, which doesn’t deliver the same instant gratification as indulging in something less virtuous.
So, should couples ditch the yoga mats and kale smoothies for French fries and Netflix marathons? Not quite.
The takeaway here is balance. Relationships are based on shared times together, and indulgence now and again can be one fun way of creating bonding. However, realizing when those habits impact health and well-being is also important.
The experts say couples should strike a balance between indulgent and healthy activities so they can have both the emotional intimacy of shared indulgence and the long-term rewards of a healthier lifestyle.
Ultimately, the secret to a happy, thriving relationship isn’t about whether you’re eating kale or cake—it’s about the connection you build with your partner. Whether you’re sharing a smoke, enjoying a cheat meal, or tackling a health goal together, the quality of your time together matters most.t matters most.
