Drake has made history by filing a lawsuit against Kendrick Lamar’s intellectual assets, Universal Music Group (UMG), and Spotify. The lawsuit claims that Kendrick’s diss track Not Like Us was propelled to stardom not by talent but by an army of bots.
The lawsuit, which Drake’s team described as a “bold step for justice and the charts,” alleges that UMG and Spotify colluded to turn Not Like Us into the musical equivalent of a rigged election. According to Drake, this involved bots streaming the track on a 24/7 loop, licensing deals sweeter than his morning coffee, and even Siri recommending Kendrick over him in a calculated act of tech betrayal.
The legal filing paints a dystopian picture of music promotion, suggesting Kendrick’s success wasn’t due to bars, beats, or his upcoming Super Bowl halftime show but to a battalion of software bots tirelessly pressing “play.” Described as “streaming Terminators,” these bots allegedly boosted Kendrick’s numbers to an eye-popping 900 million streams.
Not stopping there, Drake also accused UMG of engaging in payola schemes so covert they’d make a CIA operative blush. In a particularly spicy allegation, he claimed Siri redirected fans looking for Certified Loverboy to Not Like Us. “Even my iPhone’s got jokes,” Drake reportedly quipped at a press conference, visibly shaken as he searched for God’s Plan on Apple Music only to find Kendrick staring back.
Meanwhile, Kendrick Lamar seems unfazed, dropping bars while Drake drops lawsuits. Not Like Us has shattered streaming records and fueled the hype for Kendrick’s album GNX. Fans hail the track as a masterpiece of lyrical annihilation, with one critic describing it as “so devastating, even Drake’s lawyers need therapy.”
UMG dismissed the accusations as “offensive, false, and low-key hilarious,” insisting that Kendrick’s success is purely organic. “We’d never use bots,” an anonymous UMG executive said. “We save those for tech support.”
Industry insiders see the lawsuit as the ultimate flex of Drake’s insecurities. “This isn’t about bots or payola,” said a veteran hip-hop journalist. “This is about Drake waking up to find Kendrick trending instead of him. Next, he’ll sue TikTok for making Not Like Us the official sound of heartbreak montages.”
Critics have also pointed out the absurdity of Drake’s “zero-sum” streaming argument, likening it to a playground fight over who gets to swing higher. “Kendrick’s success is a direct threat to Drake’s wallet,” one commentator joked, “as if listeners are required by law to choose one rapper and stick with them for life.”
If successful, the case could redefine music promotion, potentially opening the floodgates for a new wave of lawsuits. Imagine diss tracks featuring rebuttals from lawyers or courtrooms where artists perform their testimonies in freestyle battles.
One analyst predicted, “By 2030, Spotify disputes will be settled in Verzuz competitions, and lawyers will drop diss tracks in legal filings. The future is wild.”
As Kendrick basks in the glory of his record-breaking streams and Super Bowl nod, Drake prepares for what could be his toughest fight yet—proving that a diss track about him succeeded because of a conspiracy, not the lyrics. In the words of one fan, “Drake vs. Kendrick? Nah, this is Drake vs. Skynet.
